I was sitting across the aisle from my colleague Erica, and when we weren't gripping our arm rests with white knuckles and scrinching our eyes shut in terror, we were asking each other if we recalled a time that a plane had actually just broken apart in mid-air due to turbulence. Yes, it was THAT bad. Not only were we diving up and down (literally like a roller coaster, and NO, I do NOT LIKE roller coasters), but the plane was just SHAKING.
What made me most crazy was the commentary (or lack thereof) from the captain and the flight attendant. First of all, the captain's microphone was malfunctioning, so everytime she tried to fill us in, she just sounded kind of crackly and incomprehensible.
So, we were forced to deal with updates from the overly perky attendant. At one point, the plane suddenly took a huge drop, and she piped up with, "That's why we keep seat belt sign on, boys and girls!" Boys and girls? Seriously?
How about.... "Hey folks, we know this is incredibly unpleasant and unsettling, but there is no danger. The plane will not break in half."
American Airlines did not impress me last night. I made it back to my house at about 8:30 pm, and promptly poured myself two fingers of Bourbon. That's my new thing, by the way. Bourbon on the rocks. But, only small-batch, single-barrel bourbon. Luckily, my sister-in-law Megen lives in Louisville and keeps us stocked.